Way too many parents need to learn the difference between “a child being disrespectful” and “a human person expressing an opinion that differs from theirs”
my mom had a nice technique for this. when i’d give her sass, she’d say, “i don’t speak rude, what’s that in polite-person-ese?”
basically, she’d encourage me to rephrase my opinion without the attitude. so “UGH, you NEVER let me do ANYTHING!” would (often after quite a bit of bitching and grumbling) turn into “it feels like every time i have a fun idea, you say no, and i just end up sitting around the house.”
and at that point we could troubleshoot like civilized people. she could explain that she didn’t want me to go to jimmy’s sleepover because jimmy’s dad creeps her out, and i could suggest maybe i could have andy over instead, and she could say sure, why not call peter and stacy and brianna and have your own party, i’ll pop some popcorn and rent a movie, and i could add what if we put up tents in the back yard and have a bonfire and roast marshmallows, and she could laugh and say don’t push it.
I really like this technique because it addresses the OPs comment but recognizes that the two can coexist. The problem is often the child is expressing their opinion in a rude or disrespectful way. And as humans we automatically become adverse to opinions we feel are aggressive toward us.
Just adding that parents have to TEACH their children the problems in their way of communicating, not just tell them they’re being “disrespectful” because that usually ends up with parents that will say they want you to speak your mind but then will also say “you need to remember who you’re talking to, I’m still your parent and you need to be respectful to me” while simultaneously not being able to accept the fact that their child ALSO feels disrespected and can’t express that better until they’re SHOWN how.
“I’m still your mother/father” is not teaching a child to respect their parents, it’s showing children that their parents value the authority of being a parent over respect that should be earned.
Are some kids really tough to teach this? Yes. But the parents are the ones who chose to have the child. It is there responsibility to show their children proper behavior, not just humiliate them for improper behavior.
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