succubarbie:

lets all be proudly homoerotic and tacky this summer

loveandchibis:

As a woman, I gotta say, nerds and “nice guys” create the most awkward situations.

Ive been given a diamond bracelet by someone who I only knew by their D&D name.

Another guy gave me a birth stone necklace after I’d just had a break up and just couldn’t understand why I needed time

Ive come home from a late night of studying to find a guy sitting beside my apartment door at 11pm. He’d “been waiting for hours” and “just wanted to see me.” (I don’t have to tell you how scary it is to see a grown man in an empty hallway when you are all by yourself.)

Ive had a guy send me 1000+ text messages…which started as a conversation about cartoons, turned into a love confession, then turned into him calling me a bitch

Not to mention the ones with jungle fever whose wet dream is not only a “nerd girl” but an “exotic nerd girl.” (“exotic” is just a cute word for fetishizing women of color)

And ALL of these men were self proclaimed “nice guys.” But what they don’t understand is that what they consider “nice” is usually creepy. You are a grown ass man. Waiting outside for hours is horrifying to women. Giving gifts and expecting sex in return is not a “nice” thing to do. I just wish “nice guys” would realize that the things they think are chivalrous and romantic are straight up horrifying and sociopathic. They think their loner status deserves some kind of sympathy and I should be greatful for the attention. But if they saw things from the female perspective they’d realize that that kind of behavior is literally stalking and bribery

magpiesyousharply:

frosty-the-snowden:

glitterarygetsit:

profmeowmers:

My bros I have been doing a lot of
reading about Wacky WWII Hijinks lately and I want to tell you a
story because I love it okay

once upon a time there was a dude in
Spain named Juan Pujol Garcia. Pujol was a chicken farmer. Pujol
hated him some goddamn fascists.

See Spain had recently ended its civil
war, with the fascists taking power. So when WWII broke out in
Europe, Spain technically remained neutral but in practice was buddy
buddy with the Nazis. Juan Pujol Garcia thought this was pretty
bullshit

so soon after war breaks out Pujol
travels to his local British embassy and goes “hey I wanna spy on
the Nazis for you”

“who the fuck are you?” say the
British, and kick him out

but Pujol is not deterred! He still
wants to dunk on some fascists, so now he goes to his local German
embassy instead. “hey” he
says, “I wanna spy on the British for you, I sure do hate them”

“yeah
okay” say the Germans “that seems pretty legit”

and
just like that Pujol now officially works for the Abwehr, the German
intelligence agency. They hand him some spy gear (invisible ink and
such) and instruct him to travel to Lisbon, and from there make his
way into the UK. So Pujol heads to Lisbon, and a little while later
writes to his German handlers telling them he’s made it to England

Pujol
had not made it to England. He had, in fact, made it to the Lisbon
public library, where he checked out a number of English guide books
and set about just wholesale making shit up

this
is slightly complicated by the fact that, for example, he completely
did not understand British currency and all his expense reports were
basically gibberish. He also reported things like bribing Scotsmen,
because the people of Glasgow would “do anything for a litre of
wine” (an actual quote) because, hey, people in Spain like wine so
that’s probably the same right?

Here
is where it starts to get really crazy, because the Abwehr loves
this. “wow this dude is a
great spy” they say, because apparently none of them had ever been
the England either. In fact, they are so pumped about this new
awesome spy that the British start to get worried

you
see, by this time the British had cracked German’s supposedly
unbreakable Enigma code and were totally dunking on the Nazis by
reading basically all of their ~super top secret~ radio
transmissions. And, crucially, they’d become so good at breaking and
reading traffic that there were literally no German spies in England.
The Germans would set up a spy drop (usually dropping dudes in by
parachute in the middle of the night), the British would intercept
the message and then just scoop the dudes up as soon as they landed
in a move that must have been SUPER embarrassing to the spies

so
there are no German spies in the UK because they’re all sitting in a
prison run by MI5 (although some are being run under supervision as
double agents, feeding Germany bullshit). But suddenly MI5 is picking
up all this traffic from the Germans talking about their super great
spy- a spy the British do not have in their jail

“oh
shit” says MI5, and starts rereading all the transmissions they
have to and from this mysterious super spy.

“hey
wait” says MI5, upon actually reading the shit the spy was sending.
“someone is playing silly buggers, pip pip cheerio”

At
this point, Pujol, still in Lisbon, had actually been approaching the
British embassy again, repeatedly, but apparently “I am literally
an Abwehr agent and would like to offer you my services” wasn’t
interesting enough, because he was repeatedly turned away, again.
It wasn’t until MI5 started
asking around that one of the embassy staff was like “oh yeah we
know that guy”

so in
1942 the British finally make contact with Pujol and he officially
becomes a spy for MI5. They move him to London and assign him a case
officer so he can start making up even better bullshit

and he
does. Once actually in London, Pujol reports to the Abwehr that he’d
recruited a whole slew of informants- from a bunch of Welsh Aryans to
disaffected army officers. He ends up with a network of 20+
sub-spies, all feeding him information from around the UK

none of these people actually exist

Pujol
just straight up invented like 20 people, keeping careful track of
their fake personalities, names, and activities. With the help of
MI5, the information he sends becomes even better- a mix of true but
ultimately useless facts and actually important intel timed to arrive
in Germany just slightly too late to be of any use. He and his “spy
network” become the Abwehr’s most trusted agents

Pujol,
now codenamed Agent Garbo (for his acting skills), ends up playing a
huge role in the run-up to D-Day, where the Allies mounted a huge
intelligence campaign to convince Hitler that the planned site of
attack was going to be Calais and not Normandy (this was Operation
Fortitude and you should absolutely look it up for more Wacky WWII
Adventures). Obviously you know how this ended

crazily
enough, the Abwehr never figured out that Pujol was a double agent.
After the war he received both the Iron Cross Second Class (which
require personal authorization from Hitler), and a
Member of the Order of the British Empire (from King George VI)

unable
to resist being totally fucking ridiculous,
Pujol turned down MI5’s post-war offer to continue spying, but this
time against the USSR. “no,” he said “just help me fake my own
death and then I’m moving to Venezuela”

and
that’s exactly what he did. Juan Garcia Pujol died in 1988, at the
age of 76

Okay I’m just editing my reblog to add this picture of Juan Pujol Garcia because I feel that it adds so much to the story to picture him doing ALL THE ABOVE with this expression:

What a legend.

Weaponized foreign shitposting

this is my favorite post in a very, very long time.

systlin:

systlin:

tamedvenus:

systlin:

systlin:

systlin:

So my little brother works at Sandia Labs, which he loves; he’s a physicist and engineer, and good at it. He just got hired a few months ago, and is like bottom of the clearance level totem pole, but. 

Apparently the lab loaned a seismometer to a missile test site, who broke it. 

So they gave it back to the lab with an apology, and the lab went “welp fuck guess we’ll buy a new one”

“Wait a minute,” my brother says. “I think I got this.”

He proceeded to google up the user manual for the model, take it apart, clean it, and put it back together. 

It now works flawlessly and his bosses think he’s a goddamned genius because he just saved them 20k with four minutes of google searching. 

He specifically works as an engineer in their super-computing research division; he did his master’s on quantum computing technology. 

What I’m saying is that he LITERALLY works in an office full of nuclear physicists, engineers, and rocket scientists and he impressed them by knowing how to google a product number. 

I’m dying, as a mechanical engineering intern this is entirely my life. I fixed a machine worth 175k by sitting down, actually reading the manual, and disconnecting and reconnecting two wires that were in the wrong place. Smart people can be dumb.

He even told them what he did. 

“I googled up the user manual.”

“You can DO that???? YOU ARE BRILLIANT.”

“….you know what, yes. You are correct. I am. Raise my pay grade please.” 

The moral of this story is that don’t sell your own skills short, kids, knowing how to google shit is a marketable skill.