allegedgreywarden:

We all know that Fenris invites the guys of the DA2 crew (even Anders, improbably enough) over for card games. But we also know that Fenris’s mansion isn’t exactly the most hospitable place to hang out in the game. It’s rather gloomy and messy and corpse-filled, even in Act 3. We could reason around this by saying that Fenris did clean up and the game was just too lazy to render it, or that the card games took place elsewhere, but in the spirit of humor, consider this:

Varric just assumes one day he’s going to clean this all up and make the place more hospitable. He doesn’t. Donnic and Sebastian are too nice to mention it, but Varric isn’t. So one day he points out that the mansion could use a bit of tidying up, like sure Varric isn’t the neatest person himself but this is a bit much.

Fenris just grunts in a way that says “Noted, and disregarded.”

Please, Varric begs, let me at least send someone up to clean!! I’ll pay for it!!

Once again, it is noted and disregarded. This is Danarius’s mansion after all, why should anyone put money into fixing it up? Fenris refuses.

So Varric decides to get petty.

One day, he invites Fenris to an extra card game. Fenris goes to the Hanged Man, but is surprised to have Varric lead him elsewhere. Where are they going to have this card game?? In Darktown.

No fucking way, Fenris thinks as they approach Anders’ clinic. Absolutely not.

But he ends up entering anyway, reluctantly. Anders, Donnic, and Sebastian are already there, sitting at a table Anders has set up.

“Wow!” Varric says. “I love what you’ve done with the place! Like, I love how you’ve swept the floor and picked the clutter off the ground.”

Anders just has the most angelic (read: PTA mom level bitchy) smile. “Yes,” he says, sparing a significant glance at Fenris, “It’s not the nicest place to live, but at least it’s clean.”

Fenris: >:/

Varric, sitting down: “Wow, and no blood splatters or broken furniture!”

Anders: “That’s right! And if someone dies here every now and then, I remove the body. You know, like a civilized person.”

Fenris: >:/

Sebastian, who is socially adept enough to know what’s going on: “…I do like you leave the windows uncovered. A bit of light is nice.”

His eyebrow raise at Fenris is tactful and quick, but Fenris is still stunned, absolutely floored at this betrayal. Et tu, Sebastian??

Donnic, not quite sure what’s going on and just trying to be nice: “Yes, you’ve managed to organize this place pretty well actually, Anders, all things considered.”

Fenris: >:/

The message is clear: if even Anders, the smelly sewer apostate, can clean up better than you then you need to really rethink your life choices, Fenris.

…This probably backfires spectacularly and causes Fenris’s mansion look even worse the next time Varric and crew show up, purely out of spite.