why is it when you go to a hair salon as a transmasc/nb person and go “i want something very short and simple. masculine. here’s a photo of a man. that’s how i want my hair to look.” without fail your middle aged hairdresser is like “yes. right. i know exactly what you’re looking for. let me just ….. snip snip” and you come out of there like 2007 kate gosselin
Ok so: I’m cis female but had this problem, in that I could never get them to cut my hair short enough. I eventually found ways to get them to cooperate though – and this was with hair I was sporting from 15-23, so you can probably get them to take you seriously. Keep in mind, though, that a lot of these tips will involve recognizing that you’ve already been misgendered and voluntarily running with that.
First of all, just go to a barbershop instead of a hair salon, if you can. It’s cheaper anyway, and you’re far more likely to get what you want from either a place where every employee has ten tattoos minimum, or from someone who’s mis-aging you not misgendering you
Barring that, e.g. If there’s only one shop nearby or your parents control where you go, pick the stylist with the wildest hair or most tattoos
If you can do so, make yourself sound like a huge lesbian the whole time. I could never get a middle aged white woman to actually take clippers my head if I hadn’t already talked about my (usually imaginary) girlfriend
If you like having your hair clipped/shaved, find out what numbers they use on you next time someone does it right, then tell everyone moving forward. Some still won’t believe you, but saying “I want a 2 into a 5” was always a lot more effective than “I want it shaved up”
Don’t tell them it’s fine until it is. I know this is something we’re socialized into accepting but this is true regardless of who you are and what hair cut you’re getting. If you’re not satisfied, say so. So what if they get annoyed? They’re not doing their job right. You’re paying for a service, you deserve it done the way you want.
On a related note, bribery will get you everywhere. If you live in a place where tipping is normal, and you can afford it, then come prepared with extra cash. If they do it right without you complaining, tip them well and say “hey, you’re the only stylist who’s actually listened, thank you.” If they need more convincing – especially if your parents are the ones paying and you know they’re trying not to piss them off – pull out a $10 or so and go “look, seriously, I will tip you extra if you just cut it boy-short”. It motivated a few ladies for me, when it was an option.
If all else fails, make up a reason you need it that short. You’re playing a character in the school play. You want to piss off your parents/ex/sister. Protest. “My friend has cancer and I want to make her feel less alone”. Yeah, lying sucks, but sometimes you gotta.
Hope that helps!!
Don’t tell them it’s fine until it is
As a real life stylist I cannot stress this enough. This is the most important part of the cut because if you’re smiling in the chair and crying at home it means I’m not doing my job.
And I also second the barber shop for the first haircut because once you come in with short hair and tell a stylist you want it shaved back down the majority of them won’t hesitate.
Hope this helps anyone who needs it. 🙂
My most recent haircut I went to was at a new place and the first thing I thought was OH THANK GOD SHE HAS AN UNDERCUT SHE KNOWS HOW TO CUT SHORT HAIR. Best haircut I’ve had in 5 years
It took me forever to find a stylist in my community who would actually cut my damn hair. I live in a fairly conservative place, and on the journey to find someone willing to do the job I wanted, I learned a few things:
1. Lots of hair stylists are worried about how you’ll reflect their work. Especially where I live, a lot of little businesses thrive or die on word of mouth. When you leave the stylist you’re basically a walking advertisement, if you leave and you hate your haircut, and tell everyone that you hate it, that is bad news for them.
2. This has two effects. On the one hand, it means they don’t want you to be unhappy with their work (because that increases the odds of you badmouthing it). On the other hand, with a lot of them, they tended to think that I didn’t realize that the cuts I was asking for wouldn’t look ‘cute’ (by their standards) and that I would still be unhappy with the results if they actually did what I was asking. In other words, they figured I didn’t understand what I was requesting, so they hesitated to actually do it and instead did what they thought would look best and not leave me disappointed by my own cluelessness.
3. This is why using more technical terms, being insistent, and playing up the ‘I’m a big ole lesbian’ angles works. Because it helps convince the stylist that actually, you DO know what look you’re going for, even if it’s not a look they’d personally find appealing.
4. On that note, when I finally found a hair stylist who was good for me, I started things off by just addressing it. I sat in the chair and was like ‘look, I know when most women say they want ‘short’ hair they mean they still want it to look cute and feminine. I do not. I will tip you extra to achieve this.’
5. Luckily that particular hair stylist was amazing, she absolutely reeked of pot, looked about as old as my mother, cackled in glee, and busted out the buzzing razor thingie. Brilliant. I offered plenty of encouragement along the way, too, when she did it short I was just like ‘yes excellent more like that’ and we kept going until I was comfortable and pleased. Best hair cut of my life. I was so happy I tipped $50 and she’s my favourite hair cutter person in the whole universe. Which I make sure to tell people, while also mentioning where she works.
6. If you are a socially anxious type who can barely get out two words and struggle to be assertive, though, here is another trick – cut it badly yourself before you go in. This is what I did as a teenager, when my options were a lot more restricted. I told everyone that I had let a friend cut it and that she’d messed up, and oh no now I’d need to get it ‘fixed’, and basically all the stylist could do was even things out. And then I just kept going back to get it touched up whenever it started to grow out.
funeral-biscuit 