feynites:

themaplemermaid:

lenyberry:

pigcatapult:

vmohlere:

feynites:

Tip:

When it comes to stuff like racism, sexism, homophobia, etc, I’ve found it’s usually way better to think to yourself ‘I don’t want to be’ than ‘I’m not’.

I.e. if someone goes ‘that thing you just did is ableist’, instead of going ‘I’m not ableist, I don’t hate disabled people!’ it’s usually a lot better to go ‘I don’t want to be ableist, I should rethink what I’m doing/saying/etc in light of that fact’. Because that shifts your thinking so rather than jumping straight into denial and attempts to defend your character, you’re instead more inclined to look at how your actions could be misrepresenting your intentions. Or whether you’ve overlooked something, been callous, or acted in ignorance.

Good thinkin

PS the corollary to this is that people deserve credit for honest effort. If apologizing and changing their behavior results in the same punishment as if they’d doubled down, that just sends the message that they shouldn’t even try.

Another important corollary is that claiming bigotry is not an auto-win. You don’t get to just say “well that thing you did was SEXIST” and then expect the person to roll over and grovel just on your say-so without question or hesitation. They still get to evaluate what they did and what you claim and come to their own conclusions. 

It’s possible to maliciously claim bigotry against an innocuous action, or one that might be kind of annoying but isn’t really a big deal, and people are allowed to decide that you’re full of shit if you do that thing.

Reblogging because I’ve been on both sides and can confirm that this particular call out method can be a tool for abusers

New Additional Tip:

‘Rethinking’ is not the same as automatically capitulating. Going to find more information is always a good idea, and on subjects like these, there is almost always a ton of it. Growing as a person doesn’t just require being open to other people’s opinions, but also doing your best to comprehend them – which you can’t do if you’re not thinking for yourself. 

But, marginalized voices are often ones we’re taught to devalue and not listen to. To think of as faulty in judgement, or to deny authority in their own experiences. So, sometimes it takes more conscious effort to listen to people you’ve been taught to ignore, especially when they’re saying things you don’t find pleasant, than to defend the opinion you were just fine with two minutes ago.

Don’t just bow to baseless accusations, but don’t dismiss all accusations as baseless.